Listening is a valuable yet often overlooked communication skill for leaders and managers. The way you listen can influence everything from the quality of your team's thinking to how heard and valued they feel and how they perform as a result.
When someone in your team comes to you with a problem, there are three types of listening that can take place.
1. Listening to respond.
Hear the words, formulate your reply. Sometimes you might jump in with your reply before they’ve even finished talking, because you’ve already thought of it. And time is precious. And you knew what they were going to say anyway. (Spoiler - you probably didn’t.) Even if you’ve given them a helpful answer this time, it’s unlikely to help them next time.
2. Listening to understand.
Hear the words, and observe what else is going on as well. Perhaps it’s a flush in their cheeks, a tap of their toes, a crack in their voice or a change in energy when a particular point comes up. Maybe they use particular words that imply that they’re seeing it in a certain way. Listen like this and your perspective might change. You’ll learn something new and your response will probably be different to what it would have been - and more helpful - than if you’d just jumped in.
3. Listening to facilitate thinking.
This isn’t about you at all. It’s about creating a safe and encouraging space for them to explore their thoughts and feelings and come up with their own solutions. Say very little, but give them your fullest attention. Lean in, nod, ask open questions that build on what they’re saying and play back what you’re hearing. Share observations rather than opinions.
Understanding the impact
Listening to respond shows up the most. We all do it, and it’s no surprise given that we are conditioned from early in our careers to believe that our value is linked to our ability to come up with solutions. But our eagerness to be seen to solve can have the unintended effect of stopping us from truly solving - because we don’t always know the right answer if we haven’t fully grasped the problem.
This is where listening to understand comes in. It’s essential if you want to know what’s really going on for your colleagues, broaden your perspective and understand the bigger picture. This should be our default listening mode in any conversation.
If you can listen to facilitate thinking, this is where real learning and growth happens. Team members start to solve their own problems with solutions that are more specific, relevant and effective than anything you might have suggested. As their confidence grows, they use their initiative more – and lean on you less.
This sounds brilliant on paper, but in practice it can be harder to do. As well as developing the right listening skills, it requires a shift in mindset. It takes trust in the process and a huge amount of willpower. You might need to change deeply held beliefs around how you add value, and that takes time and conscious effort.
But the rewards are immense. Create an environment that facilitates thinking and, instead of coming to you with problems, your team will be flooding you with brilliant ideas.
If you’d like to improve your team's listening skills or your own, get in touch for a conversation about how I might be able to help.